There comes a time in every man’s life when he asks himself the rudimentary questions of purpose, self-worth, and happiness.  As a stubborn young man rooted in his ways, blinded by hubris, searching for truth and meaning, it only brooded further questions, opening Pandora’s Box and a disdain for society and Big Brother.

That dissonance of rambling thought and intense emotion erected a divergence in the roads, a path seceding from society, but neither polarized or absolute, rather in-between.  Over the course of his adolescence and young adulthood, he spent its longevity caged from creativity, held behind the bars of indoctrinated youth, by the ideology that one’s purpose manifests only from the plight of higher education strictly for career alone; not as so much to further one’s knowledge, but to satisfy the machine, under this creed one’s sole purpose is framed perfectly in a picture of diplomacy and happiness is only achieved from the assets and accoutrements of value obtained throughout one’s life.  These traditional ideals outline the stress and importance of indebting oneself to university for a comfortable career, to garner a house of superfluity, to purchase technology to travel, that in so much, is no longer a luxury for employment, but a required standard, to find a spouse and marry, to reproduce and further one’s bloodline, all whilst living from the tarnished hand of “The Man,” further indebting oneself to the system of credit, student loans, taxes, insurance, and bills to stay focused on one goal only, work, to satiate the greed of the elite who control the system.  Any alternative nature is uncivilized and restricted through the subordination of laws thus created by the rich and for the rich to subjugate man from a macrocosm of experiences, and the simple life, because without wage slavery the elite cannot survive as seen in the COVID-19 shutdown and its spread of pandemonium.

The consistent desire for perfection from the system, its expectation of absolutism further spinning the wheel for the facade of future nirvana at the brevity of human life, only accomplishes alienation, and is a falsehood rouged by the system and for the system.

Its routine, its predictability, synchronized by scribbles on the calendar and the torpid monotony of free labor, day-in and day-out, is a flawed existence.  What happened to the primitive man?  When did the advancements of the industrial revolution, the easement from technologies become a requirement for self-worth, for purpose, for happiness, for even basic employment?  

When did the freedom to live happily, with no more than the rudimentary necessities, through new interpersonal experiences and the benevolence of nature become so repulsed and unfathomable in this country, that man deemed those struck by wanderlust, heeding a different fruit, pariahs.  The desire to see, breathe, feel and immerse oneself in the woods and with the wild became so farfetched and aloof, but burying one’s face in the digital world is not yet fantasy, is not yet deemed a peculiarity or ostracized in the slightest.  It’s normalcy.  

Freedom in this country is aimed at the ordinary, taken from the eccentric, and only attained through conventional thought and programmable desires.  Even then, it’s a false freedom.  It’s an authoritarian outline of how-to live, what to do, what to like and how to feel through the narcissism of social status and social media.  It’s a pixelated dream full of ego and self-image to achieve ephemeral happiness through the expendable means of self-flaunting materialism justifying purpose and worth, but having neither.

He sees no light at the end of this life other than death itself.  He understands his mortal efforts will one day cease to exist in body form and will turn into no more than ashes to blow with the wind.  Thus he has chosen the unconventional life, the life of his forefathers, nomadic roots forged by footprint and written in pen, to exist in a life of his choosing, the in-between.  He may never achieve happiness, purpose or self-worth in this life, but at least he searches for and questions it, far more than most of mankind deluded by false pretenses inscribed by the system.  He lives in his own world of autonomous adventures, entertaining himself with the croon of the wild and the tenderness of his wife, in a life of both shared happiness and independence, a life which many do not comprehend, but hopefully respect, if for nothing more than following one’s dreams to the deepest depths of one’s soul, searching and living so how he sees fit.

September 2020

Brian Cray

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